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"Rick From A To Z" By:David Bellamy(not sure about mag,if someone knows,please e-mail me so I can give credit)

You've heard the record,seen the vid,read the book(!?),done the shuffle;now for the first time ever,and at some great expense,we bring you the biggest,the best,the one and only Rick Astley A to Z.

A is for 'Art-throb:Cos he is,like. What with that dashing line in dashing suits,those billions of beauties in his vids,and even the quivering quiff,he's the best thing to come out of Newton Le Willows since, well...for a long time.

B is for BPI Award:Which Rick would like to receive sometime without some dodgy 60s band coming along and stealing his thunder.Also for Baggy Suits,of which Rick has plenty.

C is for Clubs:Astley's in Warrington,in particular,'cos they named it after Sir Rick, but he didn't like it.

D is for Dick Spatsley:The great man's nickname and even his pseudonym when he pens the occasional ditty.

E is for Eligible bachelor numero uno:And if you can find a more eligible one,you'd amaze us.(Whaddya mean,Prince Edward?!?)What with all his dosh,that cherubic face,a good line in jokes,and a lullabye at bed time,what more could a girl want?

F is for Fluffy Jacket:That jacket. You know,the one on the front of the new single that is made from three dead hedgehogs and two cats. This is,in fact,the pride of Rick's wardrobe and very,very valuable. Also for FBI,his first band.

G is for Golf:Just the sort of pastime required for a high-flying popstar like R.A. It's a little-known fact that Rick wrote 'Never Gonna Give You Up' as he tried to hit his ball out of the bunker for the 27th time.(Yeah,and I suppose he was born in Greenland too,eh?-Ed)G also stands for Greenland.

H is for Ham Sandwich:His favourite. On brown bread,with salad but no salt or pepper. A little known fact,that,but true all the same. We know 'cos we saw him in the sarnie shop next to the office the other day buying one.

I is for I:Rick's second favourite saying. In answer to the question,can you do the Rick Astley shuffle,the great man would reply"I".What do you mean it's spelt aye???

J is for Jackie:Rick's girlfriend.Lucky lass.

K is for Kylie:Rick's other girlfriend,in the world famous Chartenders.It can only be a matter of time before they share a vid together!

L is for Like:Rick's favourite word ever.It must be included at least once in every one of his sentences.Like.

M is for Manchester Appollo:The venue for Richard's first ever gig- watching the cool Supertramp(!)Truly,truly!

N is for Newton Le Willows:Rick's hometown. A throbbing metropolis full of discos and casinos(I think not-Ed)squeezed twixt Liverpool and Manchester.

O is for Orange Tan:Rick looks gorgeous with a tan,but like George Michael and Bros,he has a slight tendency to look a shade orange in his photos.Maybe he should stick to apples.

P is for Parties:Which Rick doesn't like very much 'cos they don't always recognise him at the door.Also the Pet Shop Boys,who stopped him from getting to Number One at Christmas.

Q is for Quiff:Not quite in the Jermaine Stewart league,but a perfectly respectable sprout from the ol' Astley bonce anyway.

R is for Richard:Rick's real name(Ten out of ten for the bleeding obvious!-Ed).

S is for Shuffle:Like only Rick can do it. Forget the Locomotion and the Shag-this is the dance for the 80s.

T is for Tea:When the going gets tough,Rick likes nothing better than a cup of tea. Go easy on the sugar though. He makes a decent cup too,as he should after all that training as teaboy at Stock,Aitken,and Waterman's studio.

U is for Uncle Pete Waterman:Rick's mentor. Rick started life in London sleeping on Pete's settee and pinching his slippers. Funny ol' world,ain't it?

V is for Vearncombe:Colin Vearncombe,singer with Black and Rick lookalike. There's a school of thought that believes Rick and Colin are the same person. Well,have you ever seen them together?

W is for 'When I Fall In Love':Rick's famous song. Unfortunately the late Nat King Cole did a cover version and got all the glory.

X is for Xhausted:(Waddya want,Shakespeare?)Rick was a bit xhausted like a while ago due to all the BPI thingies he didn't get. He's better now,ta.

Y is for Yikes:This is a common expression around Newton Le Willows,as in 'Yikes,it's our world-famous neighbour Rick Astley' whenever Rick is spotted in the area taking his pet yak for a walk. Y is also for Yak. No,we don't know what it is either!

Z is for Zoologist:If he hadn't become a world-famous teaboy and singer,Rick would have been a zoologist. Perhaps. (Thank you,David Bellamy-Ed)

"Rick Has A Problem" By:Andrew Panos Number One-November 14,1987

Poor old Rick Astley. What is it about the freckly faced warbler? A lack of 'star' quality? A lack of,er...presence perhaps? Whatever it is,after two massive hit singles,7,000 magazine interviews and four trillion TV interviews,people still don't know who on earth he is. Why oh why oh why ? wonders Andrew Panos? "Search me",says Rick.

"I don't know what it is",ponders the little chap,"but I don't get hassled alot when I'm out in public. It's quite good in a way because it means I can travel round without any hassle but it is a bit annoying sometimes. The other week when I went to do Top Of The Pops they wouldn't let me in. You need a pass with your name on to get into the studios and I'd forgotten mine in the dressing room. I went up to the bloke at security and said,'I'm about to do my single,let us through mate.' And he said,'I can't let you through without a pass.' "'But I'm Rick Astley,'I said. 'Oh yeah...they all say that mate,'he said. "Another time I was due to do a PA at an RCA Records party. I went up to the bouncer on the door and said,'Alright mate? I'm Rick Astley,I'm singing here tonight.' And he said,'Rick who? Never heard of you mate. Anyway you look nothing like him."' So let's examine the Rick Astley non-phenomenon in more detail. Perhaps we can pinpoint exactly where Rick is going wrong in his quest for instantly recognisable megastardom. Let's start at the top... Hair-"It used to be a bit longer than this",says Rick. "But I had it cut into a quiff because it's easy to manage. Dab a bit of gel on it in the morning and it's fine. I'm happy with it."

No. 1 Verdict-The ginger quiff has become Rick's trademark. Not an outrageous cut but does the job and suits his sweet,freckly faced look.

Clothes-"I've never been into clothes or spending a lot of money on them. I like clothes but usually on other people. I'll see something I like but when I wear it,it doesn't seem quite right. When I buy something I tend to wear it for ages and ages and get the maximum use out of it. I like Hyper Hyper clothes(trendy shop in London's Kensington)because they do smart black stuff that I like. Black is my favourite color because it looks sharp."

No. 1 Verdict-Perhaps a pair of lime green flares for Rick's next single might provide a bit of controversy? No? Oh well then,black baggies and a double breasted jacket seem to do the job then...

Pop Star Friends-Pop star friends are essential if you're going to make the headlines and be recognised out on the town. Although Rick started as a teaboy at PWL Studios,brewing up for the likes of Mel And Kim,Dead Or Alive,and Bananarama,he didn't really get to chat to them. "It's funny that,",reflects Rick. "They were always so busy,rushing in and out of the studio that all I ever said was 'hello and goodbye.'" And have you made any famous friends now Rick? "No. My closest friends are still the lads I grew up with in Newton Le Willows. They're really good because whenever I go back there they don't treat me like a star and they don't ask me lots of questions. Because most of them are in bands anyway they know what's involved."

No. 1 Verdict-Sensible and laudable though Rick's attitude may be,it's completely the wrong stance to take if he wants to make the headlines. Why not pick up a female admirer at Stringfellows and then pile into the black limo waiting outside,drink the portable bar dry,enter The Limelight and throw up all over his female companion's sequinned dress? Failing that,an outrageous quote such as,'I Want Madonna To Have My Baby' wouldn't go amiss in the tabloid shockers.

Murky,Shocking Past-"I haven't got one I'm afraid," says Rick apologetically. "I couldn't wait to leave school because I hated it so much. I just didn't fit in. I remember in the school exams,I just sat down,signed me name at the top of the paper and left the sheet blank. That was quite rock and roll wasn't it? "I left school at 16 to work in my dad's truck company. My eldest brother still works with my dad and my other brother is at college studying. My dad didn't approve when I first started a band. He thought it was a big waste of time. He's 60 years old so there's a big generation gap but he's really pleased for me now. He's into the charts now and he can even hum a few Madonna songs."

No. 1 Verdict-Rick's family life seems far too stable to make a shocking headline. No tales of father deeply resenting son's success,'Famous son never gave me a penny to support me'type of thing. Perhaps Rick could invent a fictional,long lost brother who has now become an international jewel thief(or something like that).

Philandering Romeo Reputation-"No I've never,er,'played around'if you like",says Rick. "Jackie,my girlfriend now,was the first girl I ever went out with. We started going out togther at school. She sent me a Valentine and I found out it was her and it sort of went from there. I was always very shy with girls at school. I wasn't much of a Romeo. I used to walk girls home from school but that's about all my courting amounted to."

No. 1 Verdict-A lamentable lack of 'I bonked ten girls a night'a la Andrew Ridgeley type stories here. Rick really does seem far too contented and stable for his own good.

What To Spend First Royalty Cheque On-"I'm still waiting for my first royalty cheque actually,"he says. "I don't know how much money I've made in the past few months. I'm still on a weekly wage from the record company. But I reckon with my first cheque I'm gonna put a deposit down on a flat in London just so there's somewhere I can go and relax and take things easy after I come back from a trip."

No. 1 Verdict-Once again a sensible but safe move from Rick. A villa in the South of France,a yacht off the coast of Rio,a games room full of giant-sized action men plus a suitable quote about how Rick likes to talk to dummies(a la Michael Jackson)because he feels they understand him,would also help to grab some attention.

No. 1 Final Verdict-Rick is the ideal boy next door type. Mr. Johnny Average. Sweet,courteous to strangers,never a bad word to say about anybody. A tough,but fair upbringing has obviously made him grateful for the pop star treats success has brought him,but he hasn't let it go to his head. He remains completely unaffected by the spotlight. Although some would say Rick's lack of pop star character and flamboyance is boring to the point of unconsciousness you can't fault the lad for his sensible outlook on life.

Rick's Verdict-"I'm not very outrageous am I?"

"The New Rick"(back of article)

Everyone agrees:Rick Astley needs a new image. If the poor boy can't even get into his own parties then the time has surely come for him to start looking like a pop star. So the No.1 team of fashion designers have been on the case building a new look for our Rick.

A pair of W.A.S.P jeans in the classic Kamen style. Tight,blue and sexy!

Flash car to arrive at those parties. They'll never dare to ask who he is when he turns up in this Cadillac Eldorado!

Ben Curiosity's beret.If you want to get ahead get a hat,and the cap gives him a much-needed mystique.

Shaved head.It's all very well being the boy next door if you're a plumber's mate,but Rick's a pop star and a razor head would give him that all-important menacing look.

George Michael designer stubble to enhance the mean and macho look.

Chris Lowe's jacket.Black-naturellement-the classic rock'n'roll'll make Rick look brash,brave and B-A-D.

Specially laundered Boris Becker white t-shirt to give him the sporty look.

Now the real heart-stopper! We reckon Rick would look just fabulous in this pair of Donna Allen boots. He may have to learn to balance on those heels,though. More Articles